A Woman

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart -and she will do everything with only two hands." The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!”? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish. But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days." The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish. "Will she be able to think?” asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate." The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman’s cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends Women have vital things to say and everything to give....... HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

New Year New Me?

I'm not really sure what I want to say in this. So I guess I'll just type whatever comes to mind. I do want to say I have to be one of the luckiest girls. I have some really great friends, new & old, that make my day brighter. There are a few of them if I don't hear from daily my day just isn't the same. 2009 was a year full of interesting things. At times I wish I could go redo it all again knowing what I know now. But, life isn't like that so why dwell on it? Besides meeting one of the biggest liars to date. I would say all in all it wasn't that bad of a year. I know we still have 14 days left in this month but, I'm already looking forward to 2010. I'm trying to strap down and seriously work on my writing. I've always wanted to be an author. There is a lot of people and a lot of things around that inspire me. Its just getting it wrote down on paper. It sounds good in my head. But, when I read it I don't like it lol. So I just have to take it day by day and try not to force it. I know if I do then it won't be as good as it could have been. I hope everyone is enjoying this time of year. I want to tell all my friends thank you so much for being there. Without you I don't know if I would have made it through the end of this year. Love you all so much!!

Abby's Birth

Ok, so here is Abby's birth story. What I do remember of it. My hubby and I arrived at the hospital late. Not surprising for us really. They took me to the room and said the nurse would be with me. I got changed into the gown and in walked the nurse. She seemed really nice and calmed my nerves. I was a mess the night before. Doctor came in around 8:30 and broke my water. They started the pitocin shortly after. Nurse had said she didn't think I need much since I was having contractions four minutes apart when I came in. I wasn't even aware I was having them. An hour later needing to use the bathroom the nurse
helped me up and noticed that Abby had a bowel movement. She called the doctor to see what he wanted to do about it. They did something with the amniotic fluid to try and flush out the rest of the meconium. Abby's heart rate went down a few times. Each time the nurse flew in the room within a minute. I kept having to change positions. Apparently Abby didn't like me in any position but, my right side. My labor stalled around 4 cm and they gave me an epidural to see if that would relax me. Lets just say the epidural was not a fun experience for me. The anesthesiologist couldn't find a way in and had to keep numbing my back. I admit I cried like a big baby. It didn't hurt until he had to try several times. Then it only worked an hour. He came back twice to give me more of it and once to re-adjust it. But, from that point on I felt everything. We had a hard time keeping Abby on the heart monitor so they did a scalp monitor. I'm convinced at one point the nurse was trying to speed things up because anytime she checked me it hurt like hell. I don't know what she was doing in there but, I wanted to punch her a few times. Other then that she was a good nurse. Around 6:30 the doctor came in and checked me. I still was at 4 cm and he told me it would all be over soon because we were going to do a c-section. Another nurse came in and gave me this stuff to drink to "calm" down the acid in my stomach. Ten minutes later I'm throwing it back up. My sweet hubby was holding something for me to get sick in.

An hour later I was in the OR getting my spinal done. It hurt too but, not as much as the epi. I felt it numbing me instantly. At some point my DH came in. I don't quit remember because I was getting extremely sleepy. The anesthesiologist asked me if I was going to fall asleep and I shook my head. He told me I would get taken care of and to rest. But, I was stubborn and fought sleep. I wanted to be awake when she was born. At some point I heard Dr Gorski say we have a little girl. Then something about her cord being in a knot. I remember asking my hubby if she was ok and he said yes. Then I heard her cry and I started crying. Abby was handed over to NICU who was in the OR with us. The made sure any meconium was suction out. I kept falling asleep during that. At one point I thought I was going to get sick again. But, since nothing was on my stomach I just dry heaved. YUCK! I then remember them handing Abigail to my hubby and I laid eyes on her. I was in love. For all the pain I went through she was worth it. But, I did tell DH no more babies! Who knows I might change my mind. But, she is enough for me.

Abigail Rebekah Grace
8:13 pm
6lb 6oz (hubby's exact birth weight)
19in

So I've been having issues with my doctor. Well today was the final straw. I believe in my last post he told me he would not induce me until I was two weeks past due. He said it was Texas state law and there was nothing he could do about it. Which I don't even know why he brought it up we were talking about something completely different. For some reason he assumed I wanted to be induced. Which I know he was giving me a load of crap because there isn't a law like there here in Texas. Anyhow this morning I was watching t.v. and the phone rings. It was my doctor's office calling to see if I wanted to be induced. I started asking questions and she told me they set up inductions 1 WEEK before you are due. She wanted to know if I wanted to have Abby this weekend. I was speechless considering I knew he lied and now this confirmed it. Well I had asked something and she placed me on hold. She came back on the phone and said she was so sorry she had the wrong patient. I then asked her why he would induce someone else a week before their due date but, wouldn't consider it for me. She had the nerve to tell me that wasn't what she was calling for. Um bull because we were talking about it. You got me mixed up with someone else. And now you are covering up for it. I was so mad I couldn't see straight. I hate being lied to. Plus, it doesn't help I've been sleep deprived the past few days. So I called the hospital where I'm supposed to have Abby and asked them who to talk to about a complaint with a doctor.

The guy listened to me for a little bit and although he said he believes we had a misunderstanding he agreed I needed to find another doctor. He gave me a few numbers and told me to give them a try. The first one I called sounded like they would take me. Until they found out I had medicaid. So that was out. Then I called another number who referred doctors. The first one I called from that list agreed to take me. I told the lady that answered the phone exactly what happened with my doctor. She was speechless. She also confirmed my doctor had lied to me about the "Texas state law". I told her I felt that his whole problem with me is I'm overweight. Its always been an issue with him. She told me it didn't matter. That it could make me high risk but, as a doctor he should have provided excellent care regardless. Also told me to talk to the doctor when I go in Wednesday and he would tell me who I can complain to other then the Texas Medical Board. So I have an appointment with my new doctor the 22nd at 11 in the morning. I am so happy they were willing to take me even though I'm 39 weeks pregnant.

No Sleep

This is getting to me. I've been so sleepy here lately that I will fall asleep early. Only to wake up four hours later and be awake for several hours. I don't think I can take it much longer. I went to the doctor yesterday. I really do not like this doctor. But, we are almost at the end of it so I won't have to deal with him again. He said my cervix was soft and that her head had dropped more. So he thinks I should be done in a week or two. The he tried being nice but, I wasn't having it. I'm still reporting him to the Texas Medical Association. I think that is all for now. I don't have much else to say.

Doctor's Appt

Ok, so I go into my doctor's office today. I had planned on talking about the way my uterus is shaped in case he didn't read in the medical records. Which I now know he didn't. I had to wait a long time so by the time I went back there I was tired. My BP was a little high 150/90 I believe. I told the NP not to take it again like she is notorious for doing to me. I said that is how high it has been running for the past two week. So she left it alone. Got my internal done. Cervix is still very thick. But, he said Abby is head down. I don't know for sure if I believe that because he found her heart beat around my belly button.

Anyhow so I asked him if he knew about my uterus. And his exact words were "why does that matter?" Not really a good thing to say to a very tired pregnant woman who is in pain. Then insultingly said "I think I know where you are going with this. You want to either be scheduled for an induction or c-section." Ok, at this point I'm pi$$ed. I couldn't even believe he had said that. Then he wanted to sit there and argue with me telling me I had no reason to be concerned. That he will not do anything medically until two weeks after my due date. But, he has to let me go into labor on my own. Now I'm sitting there wanting to punch the hell outta him.

I told him flat out that I wasn't trying to get him to set up anything. That I was trying to make him aware of this issue in case something happens. Bicornuate uterus / uterine septum can cause complications. I'm not sure which I have I was told one thing by one Dr and another by a different one. I finally gave up because he was not listening he just wanted to argue. I got dressed and left the room. As I'm walking out he said something about my BP. Said that we need to keep an eye on it but, he thinks its because the cuff was too small. Then why is it always high when I test it at home? I seriously don't know what to do.

My Prayer for Jae

Father,

I come to you in the name of Your son Jesus. I lift up my friend Jae in Your hands Father. I ask that you bless this wonderful woman with a child. She has had a rough road as you know. How she has remained strong has to be you. I know You are taking care of her angels in Heaven. I ask that You bless her womb with one here on earth. Please heal the heartache that I'm sure she must be feeling. I ask this in Jesus' mighty name.

Amen

Irritated

Well, I can't really say irritated I guess. But, I want to try and contact my Dad's side of the family again. I even found one of my cousins. I just want to know they are ok. To tell them I'm pregnant. To talk about my dad and remember him. I don't know why I have this need now. My dad passed away when I was 12. I didn't stay in contact with his family because I didn't know how. No one from that side tried to get in contact with us. I'm the one that found my uncle Charles in 94 or 95 when we moved back to Texas. I was only 14 or 15 at the time. I don't even really know what to say here. I hope I get in contact with more of them. Ugh sorry people my brain just won't work.

From Mommy to Mom to Mother

Mommy to Mom to Mother

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS

IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.


MOTHERS



Real Mothers don't eat quiche;

they don't have time to make it.


Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils

are probably in the sandbox.


Real Mothers often have sticky floors,

filthy ovens and happy kids.


Real Mothers know that dried play dough

doesn't come out of carpets.


Real Mothers don't want to know what

the vacuum just sucked up.


Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?'

and get their answer when a little

voice says, 'Because I love you best.


Real Mothers know that a child's growth

is not measured by height or years or grade....

It is marked by the progression of Mommy to Mom to Mother...


The Images of Mother

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.


14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.


16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.


18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.


45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.



The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that

she carries, or the way she combs her hair.


The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes,

because that is the doorway to her heart,

the place where love resides.


The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole,

but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.


It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she

shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Prayers for Zala

This post is from Zala's mom. I knew her awhile back and reconnected on Myspace. This little girl needs a lot of prayers.

Here is Kenda's Myspace page. Just click where it says Kenda.

Zala's Diagnosis

I know that I posted this as a bulletin, but I just wanted one more way for people to know Zala's story...still working on how to start her fund raising treatments will be around $150, 000 total...I'll let everyone know when we get it all started...any help or info is appreciated...

Well, after 9 months of testing and research we finally have a diagnosis. For those of you who don't know, my youngest daughter Zala started having seizures in May of last year and has had 16 total since. Since the seizures started, she has lost some of her speech and has had difficulty walking. She has had several tests ran, including a CT, MRI, PETscan, upper GI, and several basic blood test, all with normal results. Since she was born she has devel..oped at a normal rate, except for the fact that she is small for her age. Seeing how I'm 5'1" and Dad is 5'6", that is no surprise. She has seen several specialist, all with no answers, until now. She was seen by a genetic specialist.. about 3 weeks ago. Dr. Basinger ran about 10 different tests with symptoms matching seizures and regression. These were only to be the first tests, as she had more to run if they all came back normal. On Thursday February 5th, I got the call. They confirmed that Zala has what's known as LATE INFANTILE NEURONAL CEROID LIPOFUSCINOSIS, sometimes referred to as late infantile form of Batten Disease. I will not go into great detail of the symptoms. If you google the disease, you will find all you need to know. The prognosis for the disease is fatal. Children don't typically live past 8-12 years old. At this time, there are no treatments available in the US, but China is offering a treatment that seems.. to be helping. The disease is very rare, only 4 cases in the state of Texas including Zala. We are staying positive, I know that my God works miracles and his hand is on the situation. We will be starting a website for her and be doing fundraising to collect money for future treatments, as they are very coslty. Many people are praying for her, and she can use all the prayers she can get. I will try to keep everyone updated, as things possibly change. Thanks in advance for all the support I know she will receive. If anyone has questions, please feel free to ask.

Quick Update on Zala

Zala had her eyes checked, and they are perfect. She also had a swallow function test, and it was perfect as well...what a blessing.

About a week ago Zala lost her ability to walk. She is now crawling and scooting to get around. She has lost most of her speech, but likes to yell stuff alot, it's like music to my ears.

Please continue to pray for her, as we are believing in full healing.

Life before my pregnancy

I just wanted to write a real quick post. Some people don't know how hard I struggled to get pregnant and stay pregnant. I always get "it was so easy for you." No, it was not easy at all. My husband and I met in 1997. We first became pregnant in 2002. I was not even aware that I was pregnant. I wound up in the hospital in September to find out I was pregnant but, was in the process of loosing it. That one was hard but, I made it though. It helped that my sister in law just gave birth and I had my nephew to love on. But, it was also hard at the same time.

In September of 2004 I found out I was pregnant after taking a HPT. My husband and I (boyfriend at the time) were very excited. I got an OB and started doing everything I needed to do. Had to go to the health department to confirm pregnancy. She told me it was positive but, faint. I had no clue what that meant. I told everyone I knew. Then two days later my husband went to work and I started bleeding and cramping. I knew then what was going on. September 25th I had my second miscarriage.

I had to go for a follow up ultrasound to make sure everything was removed during the DNC. It was during that ultrasound even though she wasn't supposed to the tech told me I had a bicournate uterus. She explained to me as best she could what it was. She was also surprised that I wasn't told in 2002 about it. It was a blessing that she did because my OB wouldn't have told me. I had to ask her about it. In November of that year I had to have surgery to remove a 10 cm cyst from my left ovary. I was cut like a c-section.

In December of 2005 Randy and I got married. We had a small but, beautiful wedding. We have had a lot of ups and downs. Even separated twice in 2007. But, we worked everything out and in 2008 we started our life again. September 2nd 2009 I found out I was pregnant again. I didn't want to believe it. I even held off a couple of days. I tested around 5:30 am and it instantly popped up pregnant. I went in for an ultrasound a week or so later. I heard the heartbeat of my beautiful "bean". I was so happy that day. The tech there informed me that she thought my uterus looked more like it had a septum. And that the baby implanted in my uterus instead of on the septum. She explained if that happens you will loose the baby because it can not get the things it needs. So ladies if you are TTC and have not had any luck. Or STC like I did please do not give up. You never know when it might happen.